Archive | December, 2008

A group of friends of mine from San
Francisco came to visit me in my apartment in San Francisco.  They had been in Buenos Aires for about
2 weeks.  They told me when they
first came, they were dancing quite a bit, but now they were not dancing that
much.  They said it was happening
to them in all of the milongas.

I was surprised.  They are all fairly attractive women, and they all dance
well.  Well enough to be dancing a
significant amount of the time.  We
continued to talk about the milongas when one of the women made the comment “I
give them one song and then I leave the floor.”  I was horrified. 
“You do what?”  I said to
her.  They all looked at me like I
was some kind of idiot.  Another
one of my friends patiently explained to me “I don’t want to waste my time
dancing with someone who doesn’t know how to dance. So if he is not a good
dancer I just leave the floor.”

I was shocked.  Who the hell did these women think they were?  In my very best Miss Christianson
voice. (Miss Christianson was my 3^rd grade Home Room teacher) I told
them, “Here in Buenos Aires, you need to earn the right to walk off the
floor.  What you are doing is
rude.  No wonder no man wants to
dance with you.”  I explained to
them that by walking off the floor and leaving the man standing there it was
insulting.  No man wants to be left
on the floor by a woman.  Everyone
sees this.  Because they were doing
this routinely, the men in the milongas were not inviting them.

What was the response of the women? “Hey we
are just dumb tourists.”  Dumb
tourists or not it is rude.  When a
man invites me to dance, I have accepted his invitation.  If the man is not as good a dancer as I
thought he would be, whose fault is that?   Does this give me the right to insult him and walk off
the floor?  No it does not.  How many men struggled through dances
with me?  Many in those first
years, and they never left me on the floor. Not one of them.

There are exceptions.  I have had men who were hurting me.  Who were really bad dancers, where it
was absolutely impossible to dance with them.  It was obvious to anyone watching.  In this case I very politely tell the man, I am sorry, but I
really need to sit out the rest of the tanda.  I usually dance 2 of the songs.  Usually they know there is a problem.

The other exception is when you get a total
jerk.  This is a guy
who tries to tell you how to dance, who is completely obnoxious.  In this case, I simply tell them that I
think they would be more comfortable dancing with someone of their own
level.  I thank them, and leave the
floor.

In my situation, people know my level of
dance.  When I leave the floor,
they want to know what happened. 
It is not a black mark against me. 
The men will continue to dance with me.  I have earned the right to leave the floor.

There is never a substitute for good
manners in any situation.  Before
you end that dance, think about how you might feel if you were the one who was
going to be left standing in the middle of the floor. 

I always tell the women who visit me; a
tanda is maybe 12 minutes of your life. 
When you think of how long you are going to live, how important is that
12 minutes? 

Beso,

Deby

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights
reserved.  No parts of this may be
reproduced without permission of the author

Deby Novitz' blog can be found at
http://tangospam.typepad.com/tangospam_la_vida_con_deb/

This is for the ladies mostly.  Because I am one.  First of all, I hate those dancer
sneakers.  Those are not shoes for
tango.  Those are shoes for some
other dance.  You cannot dance
tango in those shoes.  You need to
be able to work the floor in tango and with those shoes you cannot.  Please do not give me your 25,000
excuses about how comfortable they are. 
The only thing those shoes are going to do for you is give you more bad
habits in your dancing.  You would
not play tennis in high heels, so why would you dance tango in sneakers?  Next!

Most people do not understand how important
the construction of the shoe is. They look only at the esthetic aspects.  Women want the shoe to be sexy, the
heel to be high, and the shoe to be pretty.  I think they forget they have to dance in the shoe.  Men want a shoe that stands out.  That people will look at.  How often do I hear “My feet
hurt?”  Why? You need shoes to
dance in, not shoes for pictures.

The heel is a very important part of the
shoe. Plastic or acrylic stiletto heels might be sexy but they are death for
your dance.  For the ladies, they
do not help your balance.  The
standard covered wood heel is still the best.  It gives you stability.  The same is true for men. Look for shoes that use a wooden
not a plastic heel. Plastic heels are hollow and do not give you the same
stability that a wooden heel will give you.

Heel height plays a huge role in your
balance and axis.  Lower is
better.  Yes, darling you read that
correctly.  So let’s go back and
read it again.  Lower is
better.  Why?  OK.  In men, tango dancers, do not wear high heels.  Those are either transvestites or
folkloric dancers.  Male tango
dancers should wear a low heel.

Ladies, what are you thinking wobbling in
on those 9 and 10cm plastic stilts you can barely walk on?  If you can barely walk on them,
whatever makes you think you can dance in them.  You are leaning all the way forward hanging on the man with
your butt sticking out.  No you do
not look like Geraldine.  You look
ridiculous.  Do yourself a big
favor and put on a pair of shoes that have a 7 or 8cm heel.  Both your feet and the men you are
dancing with will thank you.

You need to be dancing in shoes where you
can comfortably put your weight on your metatarsal and lean forward.  This is for both women and men.  The shoes need to support you.  Yes, they should look good.  But if the shoe does not support you,
then why are you wearing them?  In
my opinion spending all that money on shoes that look good but hurt your feet
is not money well spent.

I suppose there are people out there, where
it is more important to them to “look like tango dancers”  (whatever that means) than to actually
be happily dancing tango.  I
personally would rather be dancing, and without pain.

Besos,

Deby

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights
reserved.  No parts of this may be
reproduced without permission of the author

Deby Novitz' blog can be found at 

http://tangospam.typepad.com/tangospam_la_vida_con_deb/

I first read Deby Novitz' blog about a year ago and was hooked.  Her sincere and heartwarming stories of her real life in Buenos Aires made me smile and nod my head to no end.  We've been in touch and in a wonderful gesture Deby has agreed to become our "Tia Deby" and answer any questions you might have.  To ask a question send us an email and who knows, you may get Tia Deby giving you the honest lowdown in her inimitable style. Here's more about Deby.

In December 2000 Deby Novitz made her first trip to Buenos Aires to dance tango.  She fell in love with the city, the culture, and the Porteño life style.  She made the first of 18 trips before coming to 

live permanently in 2004.  She sold everything she owned in California, gave up her computer business, and moved to Buenos Aires with her dog Roxie (recently deceased in September 2008), her computer, tango shoes, and CDs to start a new life.

In Palermo she rents two rooms in her apartment to people who come to dance tango.  She gives tours, she teaches English, she does what she can to maintain a life there.  She has appeared on television, and in the local newspapers in Buenos Aires.  In the milongas she is known as 

the "milonguera extranjera."  (the foreign milonguera) She writes the popular blog TangoSpam:Lavida Con Deby and is does not see herself ever leaving Buenos Aires.